I recently had a few people tell me that self-talk was a crock, or my favorite, "hocus pocus". Of course, I laughed it off, but it's that type of short-sighted attitude that makes me want to say, "Thanks for confirming your ignorance on the subject and obviously, you need self-talk the most". But alas, I did not. I swallowed my retort in an effort to be kind instead of sarcastic. I know, it's a cold day in hell when I'm able to stifle my sarcasm. I better pack a sweater.
What is it people don't understand about this concept? I would assume it's pretty much common sense to know that a positive attitude always breeds better results than a negative one. It's beyond me as to how anyone could argue that with any sort of valid point. Then again, I do realize what ASSuming does, so I'm trying to cut back.
I received an email from someone I've never met asking if self-talk could help her son who suffers from a disease that allows his nervous system to send false signals of pain to his brain. He has often told his mother that he'd rather spend his life in a wheel chair than to endure the pain that physical therapy brings him. He's 10 years old. Now I'm not a doctor or a phycologist by any means, but if the power of positive messages sent to your brain can actually re-wire the synapses to help me lost weight, skate better or break bad habits, why not for something of this nature? It's worth a shot. I'm going to write a script just for the boy, have my dad record it so that he can listen to a man's voice, and stay positive for a healthy outcome.
This type of situation, if it works, opens doors to all kinds of things that positive self-talk could do. My vision with this is growing every day and I can't wait to see the power of this manifesting itself in other people's lives. To be a part of something greater than myself is an empowering, uplifting feeling that no drug or religion could provide.
So to all the naysayers, I'd just like to say, the next time you're negative on the notion of changing your inner dialogue to help you accomplish your goals, send me your address. I'll put you at the top of the list to receive a free CD.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Men are not hairy women.
Okay ladies, this post is all about men. That's right. Those wonderful, hairy, complicated (but not really and I'll tell you why) creatures that we couldn't live without. Now, I'm no expert on this subject by any means. Hell, I still piss my husband off all of the time. Alas, as different as we are, we're in this world together so we better learn how to like it.
I've only been married for about 5 years (in March) but I'm thankful to say that I've worked my ass off at being happily married. Oh, you didn't realize it was hard work? Well it is. Lots of it. But as with anything else, you reap what you sow. I've put together a list of the top 5 murderous mistakes that I see women commit on men every day. For the few men that might read this post, feel free to comment and correct me if anything I say here is skewed or just plain wrong. I can take it.
1. EMASCULATION
Now this is a hard one. Even for me. I see a widespread epidemic of women who are taking this whole "feminist" thing a little too far. Of course we should be treated equally and I'm all for the empowerment of women, but that shouldn't come at a price of making men feel inferior. If he makes a mistake, gets lost, leaves the toilet seat up, whatever; don't put him down and make him feel like a child. If there's anything men hate more, I'd like to know what it is. Reassure him that he's your hero no matter what. I promise, you'll be more likely to get what you need in return.
2. INTERRUPTIONS
For any woman reading this, you know what I'm talking about. You ask your man a question and if it takes him longer than 2.4 seconds to answer, you're already piping up with a response for him. Big mistake! From what I've learned, here is how a man's brain works: when he is asked a question, he needs to go the well. He lowers the question in a bucket down to the bottom, fills it up with information, processes this information while it's being raised, figures out how to articulate that to you so he won't piss you off, and finally, returns with his bucket of answers. Give him time. Just because he doesn't respond immediately like you would, doesn't mean he's ignoring you. He's just very precise about what he says. I think that's pretty cool.
3. SEX
He wants it. Lots of it. However often you think he wants it, double that. It's not just something they like to do, they need it. The same way you need chocolate or french fries dipped in Ranch dressing at that special time of the month. Sex makes men feel desired, loved, strong and on the edge of superhero status. It empowers them and makes them feel like they can take on the world. If their lovin' tanks run low, it becomes harder for them to be productive. Much less give you that warm attention and compliments that are so important to you. So go ahead, service your man. You might be surprised at how lovingly he reciprocates your needs.
4. MAN CAVE
Okay, this one is also tough for me but I'm slowly getting better at it. Men need uninterrupted time alone. The key word here is uninterrupted. Especially during times of stress. If money is tight, or you've had a fight, or even if he hasn't had sex in a while; men need time to go into their caves and think. Just like going to the well for an answer to give you, this time alone helps him recharge, sort through his emotions (yes, they have them too) and come back to you when he's ready to give you the focus he knows you need from him. Sometimes men aren't the best at expressing when they need this cave time, however, so you sort of need to pay attention to the cues.
5. MAGIC WORDS
I went to a workshop last year in Austin called, Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. It was a truly enlightening experience. One of the BEST things I learned there was that there are certain words that will light up any man's face. Not just useful for your partner, but great for brothers, fathers, uncles or any other special man in your life.
1. Happy - A man loves to hear that he's made you happy. So say it and make sure he knows!
2. Provider - Tell him what a great provider he is and watch the smile magically appear.
3. Hero - You're my hero! Telling a man he's your hero is the ultimate confidence booster.
4. Help - Men love solutions. Let him know his help makes you happy and he'll jump right on it.
5. Protect - Feeling masculine is so important to their well being. Allow him to protect you.
6. Blow Job - This pretty much speaks for itself. What man wouldn't perk up to those words?
7. Proud - Let him know how proud you are of him and his achievements. Butter in your hands.
8. Smart - Even if you know the answer, validate him and let him give it. So smart, you are!
9. Handsome - Duh. No brainer here. We like to feel beautiful, so do they.
10. Masculine - Any time he's reminded that he's a manly man is a good day in his book.
So there you have it. Just a few things I've learned through the fight to keep my marriage healthy. Again, I'm not claiming to be an expert or to have all of the answers by any means. I just know that this stuff works for me and I've seen it work for other people I care about, too. So go ahead, give your man a pick-me-up and watch how his love for you grows....among other things. When this happens, refer to magic word number 6 :)
I've only been married for about 5 years (in March) but I'm thankful to say that I've worked my ass off at being happily married. Oh, you didn't realize it was hard work? Well it is. Lots of it. But as with anything else, you reap what you sow. I've put together a list of the top 5 murderous mistakes that I see women commit on men every day. For the few men that might read this post, feel free to comment and correct me if anything I say here is skewed or just plain wrong. I can take it.
1. EMASCULATION
Now this is a hard one. Even for me. I see a widespread epidemic of women who are taking this whole "feminist" thing a little too far. Of course we should be treated equally and I'm all for the empowerment of women, but that shouldn't come at a price of making men feel inferior. If he makes a mistake, gets lost, leaves the toilet seat up, whatever; don't put him down and make him feel like a child. If there's anything men hate more, I'd like to know what it is. Reassure him that he's your hero no matter what. I promise, you'll be more likely to get what you need in return.
2. INTERRUPTIONS
For any woman reading this, you know what I'm talking about. You ask your man a question and if it takes him longer than 2.4 seconds to answer, you're already piping up with a response for him. Big mistake! From what I've learned, here is how a man's brain works: when he is asked a question, he needs to go the well. He lowers the question in a bucket down to the bottom, fills it up with information, processes this information while it's being raised, figures out how to articulate that to you so he won't piss you off, and finally, returns with his bucket of answers. Give him time. Just because he doesn't respond immediately like you would, doesn't mean he's ignoring you. He's just very precise about what he says. I think that's pretty cool.
3. SEX
He wants it. Lots of it. However often you think he wants it, double that. It's not just something they like to do, they need it. The same way you need chocolate or french fries dipped in Ranch dressing at that special time of the month. Sex makes men feel desired, loved, strong and on the edge of superhero status. It empowers them and makes them feel like they can take on the world. If their lovin' tanks run low, it becomes harder for them to be productive. Much less give you that warm attention and compliments that are so important to you. So go ahead, service your man. You might be surprised at how lovingly he reciprocates your needs.
4. MAN CAVE
Okay, this one is also tough for me but I'm slowly getting better at it. Men need uninterrupted time alone. The key word here is uninterrupted. Especially during times of stress. If money is tight, or you've had a fight, or even if he hasn't had sex in a while; men need time to go into their caves and think. Just like going to the well for an answer to give you, this time alone helps him recharge, sort through his emotions (yes, they have them too) and come back to you when he's ready to give you the focus he knows you need from him. Sometimes men aren't the best at expressing when they need this cave time, however, so you sort of need to pay attention to the cues.
5. MAGIC WORDS
I went to a workshop last year in Austin called, Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. It was a truly enlightening experience. One of the BEST things I learned there was that there are certain words that will light up any man's face. Not just useful for your partner, but great for brothers, fathers, uncles or any other special man in your life.
1. Happy - A man loves to hear that he's made you happy. So say it and make sure he knows!
2. Provider - Tell him what a great provider he is and watch the smile magically appear.
3. Hero - You're my hero! Telling a man he's your hero is the ultimate confidence booster.
4. Help - Men love solutions. Let him know his help makes you happy and he'll jump right on it.
5. Protect - Feeling masculine is so important to their well being. Allow him to protect you.
6. Blow Job - This pretty much speaks for itself. What man wouldn't perk up to those words?
7. Proud - Let him know how proud you are of him and his achievements. Butter in your hands.
8. Smart - Even if you know the answer, validate him and let him give it. So smart, you are!
9. Handsome - Duh. No brainer here. We like to feel beautiful, so do they.
10. Masculine - Any time he's reminded that he's a manly man is a good day in his book.
So there you have it. Just a few things I've learned through the fight to keep my marriage healthy. Again, I'm not claiming to be an expert or to have all of the answers by any means. I just know that this stuff works for me and I've seen it work for other people I care about, too. So go ahead, give your man a pick-me-up and watch how his love for you grows....among other things. When this happens, refer to magic word number 6 :)
Thursday, December 8, 2011
An Atheist's Christmas
Someone recently said to me, "Why do you have a Christmas tree if you don't believe in Christ?" Does this statement make anyone else want to vomit, or is it just me? Does she not know the history of Christmas and the fact that it's a Pagan holiday? People all over the world have been celebrating this time of the year LONG before Jesus Christ was ever (supposedly) born. If you need a history refresher, here ya go: http://www.history.com/topics/christmas
After laughing hysterically at her ignorant statement and finding a tissue to wipe my tears of bemusement, I then began to get angry. Not in a punch-her-in-the-face kind of way, but the sort of anger that saddens me from the lack of understanding that Christians aren't the only ones who appreciate Christmas. Not that this person would ever read this, but allow me to enlighten you as to what Christmas for an Atheist is all about...
First let me start by saying, I love Christmas! And yes, I have no problem saying "Merry Christmas". Or Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings; it all means the same thing to me. Makes me sick when people get offended when people say anything other than Merry Christmas. Give it a rest, people. You don't own this holiday! My husband doesn't share in my enthusiasm for this time of year but I love it. I love the cold weather (wearing scarves is my favorite), I enjoy decking out my house with twinkling lights, hanging stockings from the mantel, listening to Christmas music, eating gingerbread cookies, and yes, even decorating a beautiful, plastic tree complete with a Darth Vader ornament and a bright star on top.
Before I go on, I'd like to clarify what "Atheist" really means. There seems to be a hugely shortsighted misconception that an Atheist is a hateful, immoral person who cooks babies in the oven and tortures small animals. Wrong. There is only one thing that classifies me as an Atheist: I am not a person of faith. I do not believe in a higher power (unless you count gravity), nor do I believe in Satan, angels or demons, heaven or hell, or anything else that is lacking factual proof. I simply believe in my own power and ability to make anything happen for myself, in my life, without intervention from anyone, divine or otherwise. And being an Atheist most certainly doesn't mean that I hate any person of faith. I respect everyone and I am appreciative of the fact that we all have freedom of religion.
While I may not be a person of faith, I am definitely many things. I'm a thoughtful and loyal wife to my husband. I'm a kind, patient mother whose goal is to raise a compassionate, open-minded and giving daughter. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to help a friend. I volunteer my time to help those in need as well as giving regular donations to my favorite charities. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and I live my life leading by example. I'm passionate about life and I love and accept others regardless of their orientation. I don't say these things to seek praise, only to show that I'm not so different from anyone else pursuing happiness while living on this earth.
I'm writing this blog in hopes that it will shed some insight to other people who might not understand what being a non-theist truly means. No matter what you choose to call December 25th; Jesus' birthday, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Yule or whatever other terms are out there, the point is that the Holiday season is for everyone. For every belief, for every family, for every child whose face lights up at the sight of twinkling lights on a Christmas Tree.
And I'd like to close by quoting a fellow Atheist blogger who put it simply:
After laughing hysterically at her ignorant statement and finding a tissue to wipe my tears of bemusement, I then began to get angry. Not in a punch-her-in-the-face kind of way, but the sort of anger that saddens me from the lack of understanding that Christians aren't the only ones who appreciate Christmas. Not that this person would ever read this, but allow me to enlighten you as to what Christmas for an Atheist is all about...
First let me start by saying, I love Christmas! And yes, I have no problem saying "Merry Christmas". Or Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings; it all means the same thing to me. Makes me sick when people get offended when people say anything other than Merry Christmas. Give it a rest, people. You don't own this holiday! My husband doesn't share in my enthusiasm for this time of year but I love it. I love the cold weather (wearing scarves is my favorite), I enjoy decking out my house with twinkling lights, hanging stockings from the mantel, listening to Christmas music, eating gingerbread cookies, and yes, even decorating a beautiful, plastic tree complete with a Darth Vader ornament and a bright star on top.
Before I go on, I'd like to clarify what "Atheist" really means. There seems to be a hugely shortsighted misconception that an Atheist is a hateful, immoral person who cooks babies in the oven and tortures small animals. Wrong. There is only one thing that classifies me as an Atheist: I am not a person of faith. I do not believe in a higher power (unless you count gravity), nor do I believe in Satan, angels or demons, heaven or hell, or anything else that is lacking factual proof. I simply believe in my own power and ability to make anything happen for myself, in my life, without intervention from anyone, divine or otherwise. And being an Atheist most certainly doesn't mean that I hate any person of faith. I respect everyone and I am appreciative of the fact that we all have freedom of religion.
While I may not be a person of faith, I am definitely many things. I'm a thoughtful and loyal wife to my husband. I'm a kind, patient mother whose goal is to raise a compassionate, open-minded and giving daughter. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to help a friend. I volunteer my time to help those in need as well as giving regular donations to my favorite charities. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and I live my life leading by example. I'm passionate about life and I love and accept others regardless of their orientation. I don't say these things to seek praise, only to show that I'm not so different from anyone else pursuing happiness while living on this earth.
I'm writing this blog in hopes that it will shed some insight to other people who might not understand what being a non-theist truly means. No matter what you choose to call December 25th; Jesus' birthday, Saturnalia, Winter Solstice, Yule or whatever other terms are out there, the point is that the Holiday season is for everyone. For every belief, for every family, for every child whose face lights up at the sight of twinkling lights on a Christmas Tree.
And I'd like to close by quoting a fellow Atheist blogger who put it simply:
The only people I know who are ever offended at Christmas time are Christians who get angry whenever they hear or see the words “happy holidays” or “season’s greetings.” The angriest people I know at Christmas time are not people who are being prohibited from celebrating the holiday as they choose — they are people who are trying to prohibit others from celebrating the holidays in ways they claim to find offensive. If you are one of those people, I have a question. Is your religious faith so weak that you need everyone around you to keep it alive with words of agreement? If so, the problem lies not with others but with you. And if you’re so angered by the simple, pleasant greeting of “happy holidays,” I have another question. It’s a question I ask with no ill intent. I don’t mean to offend or insult, I simply want to understand. The question is this:
What is wrong with you?"
Monday, November 28, 2011
Reprogram your Brain for Derby!
Muhammad Ali once said, "I am the astronaut of boxing. I'm in a world of my own. I am the greatest, and I said that even before I knew I was."
This, my friends, is called positive self-talk. Knowing what you want, speaking as if it were already achieved, and then watching it come true. When I was about 13 years old, my dad said 6 words to me that would change my life. He said, "You become what you think about." At first I thought, "What a joke! How could thoughts, electrical and chemical impulses in your brain, have anything to do with who I become as a person? If that were true, I would have turned into a New Kid on the Block a long time ago!" Remember, I was 13. Nevertheless, those powerful 6 words were the precipice to changing my life forever. I know I wouldn't be who I am today without daily reminders of this little known fact.
Growing up, I learned that my brain was like a computer. Garbage in, garbage out. If I made a B or C on a math test and said repeatedly, "I suck at math!", my brain would eventually believe it and math would surely be the death of me. But instead, I listened to self-talk CD's on making good grades, graduated high school at the age of 16, entered college and made A's and B's in college algebra. I might not have been born with the analytical side of my brain as strong as the creative side, but I changed that! All by saying a simple phrase to myself every day before school, "I enjoy math. It's easy for me and I can solve equations with minimal effort." Or something like that.
The trick about self-talk is the way it's done. Everything you think and say needs to be in first person. "I am beautiful" rather than looking in the mirror and saying, "You're beautiful". The brain is very literal and after hearing positive things enough times, the brain's chemical makeup and wiring actually begins to change. It yields more results than prayer, meditation and hypnotism combined. It's science, it's a proven method, and it WORKS.
I've used this technique to stop biting my finger nails, make good grades, lose weight and eat healthy, and now my goal is to use it for roller derby. For those reading who might not understand roller derby, it's tough. There are times when every skater doubts him/herself and wonders if they have what it takes to play well. But as with any other successful athlete, high achievement is only fulfilled by those with a great PMA (positive mental attitude). Take Muhammad Ali, for example. He was claiming to be a champion long before he actually ever reached that goal. I'm pretty sure his attitude accounted for about 99% of his success. When the mind is in a healthy place, the body will follow suit.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I've heard so many women put themselves down when it comes to derby. I've heard everything from, "I suck at A-frame stops" to, "I wish I could skate that fast but I'm slower than molasses". This has got to change! Our goals can never be met with this kind of stinking thinking. Now I'm on a mission. I've written a script and will record my roller derby self-talk CD this week. I want to start by giving it to my entire team, then the league, and my ultimate vision is to eventually make this available world wide. Let me rephrase that, I WILL succeed in helping change the lives of derby players everywhere. Here is a brief sample of some of the lines that will be on the CD. For any derby players reading, say these things to yourself every day and I guarantee you'll start to see a difference in your performance.
This, my friends, is called positive self-talk. Knowing what you want, speaking as if it were already achieved, and then watching it come true. When I was about 13 years old, my dad said 6 words to me that would change my life. He said, "You become what you think about." At first I thought, "What a joke! How could thoughts, electrical and chemical impulses in your brain, have anything to do with who I become as a person? If that were true, I would have turned into a New Kid on the Block a long time ago!" Remember, I was 13. Nevertheless, those powerful 6 words were the precipice to changing my life forever. I know I wouldn't be who I am today without daily reminders of this little known fact.
Growing up, I learned that my brain was like a computer. Garbage in, garbage out. If I made a B or C on a math test and said repeatedly, "I suck at math!", my brain would eventually believe it and math would surely be the death of me. But instead, I listened to self-talk CD's on making good grades, graduated high school at the age of 16, entered college and made A's and B's in college algebra. I might not have been born with the analytical side of my brain as strong as the creative side, but I changed that! All by saying a simple phrase to myself every day before school, "I enjoy math. It's easy for me and I can solve equations with minimal effort." Or something like that.
The trick about self-talk is the way it's done. Everything you think and say needs to be in first person. "I am beautiful" rather than looking in the mirror and saying, "You're beautiful". The brain is very literal and after hearing positive things enough times, the brain's chemical makeup and wiring actually begins to change. It yields more results than prayer, meditation and hypnotism combined. It's science, it's a proven method, and it WORKS.
I've used this technique to stop biting my finger nails, make good grades, lose weight and eat healthy, and now my goal is to use it for roller derby. For those reading who might not understand roller derby, it's tough. There are times when every skater doubts him/herself and wonders if they have what it takes to play well. But as with any other successful athlete, high achievement is only fulfilled by those with a great PMA (positive mental attitude). Take Muhammad Ali, for example. He was claiming to be a champion long before he actually ever reached that goal. I'm pretty sure his attitude accounted for about 99% of his success. When the mind is in a healthy place, the body will follow suit.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I've heard so many women put themselves down when it comes to derby. I've heard everything from, "I suck at A-frame stops" to, "I wish I could skate that fast but I'm slower than molasses". This has got to change! Our goals can never be met with this kind of stinking thinking. Now I'm on a mission. I've written a script and will record my roller derby self-talk CD this week. I want to start by giving it to my entire team, then the league, and my ultimate vision is to eventually make this available world wide. Let me rephrase that, I WILL succeed in helping change the lives of derby players everywhere. Here is a brief sample of some of the lines that will be on the CD. For any derby players reading, say these things to yourself every day and I guarantee you'll start to see a difference in your performance.
I love to play Roller Derby.
I realize that what I say about myself and others about roller derby is very important, and I will replace any negative thoughts or comments with uplifting, positives ones.
I deserve to play roller derby and I deserve all of the good things it brings into my life.
Roller derby is important for the joy and happiness it offers me in pursuit of my ultimate achievements.
I skate with purpose, determination, and strength.
I begin every practice with a clear mind and a specific plan to get the most from my time and effort. I follow my plan, and I reach my goals.
An accurate description of me would include the words: Skillful, energetic, determined, hard working, enthusiastic and highly successful.
And it's as simple as that....you're on your way :)
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Rock out With your Quads out!
Today marks the one week-aversary of my butt making good friends with the skating rink floor. I don't remember the last time I felt pain like that. I labored for hours and gave birth naturally without a single tear; yet falling on my tailbone made me cry like a baby in front of everyone. Not my proudest moment. I knew it would bruise but I had no idea that I'd practically develop a tumor on my ass. After posting a picture of its raw, nastiness, a friend brought it to my attention that it's officially a Hematoma. I'm 30 years old but still had to Google that word. I wasn't sure if it was just a fancy, scientific word for "bruise" or, if I was going to die. Turns out, it's both. Okay, maybe I won't die from it but the pooling of blood that's taking place underneath this horrible bruise ranks right up there with death for me. Oh. My. Goodness.... it really hurts. Today, I'm thankful that this is an off week for skating practice because I'd surely be missing them all. Now, time to purchase some padded shorts. Dorky or not, I refuse to let this happen again. I do enjoy sitting.
Moving on...
Thanksgiving is in 2 days. TWO days?? Where in the world did this year go? It's true what they say, the older we get, the faster time flies. I must be old because it feels like the calendar is on sonic speed. There are so many things I'm thankful for, I'll spare my 3 readers of the elongated list. Instead, I've decided that I want to spend Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I'm going to invite all of my neighbors over, feast on a delicious meal and then kill them all and take their land. Doesn't that sound fun? But seriously, I'm thinking maybe I won't be an Atheist...we don't have any holidays. And I sure do love sitting around with people I love and committing gluttony in the way only Americans know best. I'm guessing that in 48 hours from now, I'll be in a stuffing induced coma and ready for a nap. Ah, traditions.
Someone asked me that other day, "If you're an Agnostic, what are you thankful for and who are you thanking?" Oh man, did she open a can of logical worms. Here is the answer I gave:
"I'm glad you asked! I'm thankful for the food I eat and in correlation to that, for the farmers who grow the food and the truckers who transport the food. I'm thankful my husband has the drive and ambition to start his own business in a time where jobs are hard to find. I'm thankful for science and the understanding that I evolved from a single cell organism. I'm thankful for the invention of the internet. It has given me the ability to help further open my mind and to express it so that others can read it years down the road. If that's you, hello from the past! I'm thankful for skepticism and the freedom to question everything from Hematoma's to religion. I'm thankful for biology which allowed my husband's sperm to fertilize my egg and thus created our beautiful baby daughter. But most of all, I'm not a person who covets what other people have; I'm aware of the burdens that so many others carry and I'm very thankful that I'm alive, healthy and loved by many."
And with that, the conversation ended. Sorry lady, despite what you might have learned in church, gratitude is for everyone regardless of their beliefs. And I'm very thankful for that!
Dog bless America.
Moving on...
Thanksgiving is in 2 days. TWO days?? Where in the world did this year go? It's true what they say, the older we get, the faster time flies. I must be old because it feels like the calendar is on sonic speed. There are so many things I'm thankful for, I'll spare my 3 readers of the elongated list. Instead, I've decided that I want to spend Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I'm going to invite all of my neighbors over, feast on a delicious meal and then kill them all and take their land. Doesn't that sound fun? But seriously, I'm thinking maybe I won't be an Atheist...we don't have any holidays. And I sure do love sitting around with people I love and committing gluttony in the way only Americans know best. I'm guessing that in 48 hours from now, I'll be in a stuffing induced coma and ready for a nap. Ah, traditions.
Someone asked me that other day, "If you're an Agnostic, what are you thankful for and who are you thanking?" Oh man, did she open a can of logical worms. Here is the answer I gave:
"I'm glad you asked! I'm thankful for the food I eat and in correlation to that, for the farmers who grow the food and the truckers who transport the food. I'm thankful my husband has the drive and ambition to start his own business in a time where jobs are hard to find. I'm thankful for science and the understanding that I evolved from a single cell organism. I'm thankful for the invention of the internet. It has given me the ability to help further open my mind and to express it so that others can read it years down the road. If that's you, hello from the past! I'm thankful for skepticism and the freedom to question everything from Hematoma's to religion. I'm thankful for biology which allowed my husband's sperm to fertilize my egg and thus created our beautiful baby daughter. But most of all, I'm not a person who covets what other people have; I'm aware of the burdens that so many others carry and I'm very thankful that I'm alive, healthy and loved by many."
And with that, the conversation ended. Sorry lady, despite what you might have learned in church, gratitude is for everyone regardless of their beliefs. And I'm very thankful for that!
Dog bless America.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Women - Simply Complex
Oh blogging, how I've missed thee. I can't believe I've been such a slacker with writing. It's my first true love. I was home schooled most of my life and I'm grateful to my mother for instilling the love for writing at such a young age. It's a healthy, therapeutic habit that I find stimulating and calming at the same time.
So for my first new blog entry, I'd like to talk about women. Aren't we great? So complex, so interesting, so emotional. I'm sure if any men are reading this they're thinking, "pfft, yeah, 'complex' is putting it lightly." It's taken me a long time to admit that it's true. We are complex, but not so much that we can't be understood. I think a lot of women don't even understand themselves, which makes it extremely difficult to adequately explain ourselves to men so they aren't left scratching their heads every time we open our mouths.
I once read a book called "The Female Brain" which, in great detail, explains the inner workings of our brains from conception to old age. It was very interesting and is not only helping me understand why I say and do certain things, but it also helped me understand where Olivia is in her brain development and why she drives me to the brink of insanity on most days. Yes, she's a baby and most babies will drive you nuts at some point. But she's also a female baby which translates into "There's a lot more going on upstairs than we realize". And boy (or girl), isn't that the truth.
I'm really saddened at how often I see women putting themselves down. What's up with this sickening epidemic? I think women by nature are driven by the pressures of their parents, teachers, peers and society to be the best, the smartest, the prettiest and the most talented. When in reality, we should be learning that there's no such thing. There will always be someone skinnier, prettier or smarter out there and life isn't about being the best. It's about reaching our own personal best...even if that means you're average. Who are we to say that we aren't good enough? Did People magazine tell you that you're inadequate unless you can afford designer clothes, a boob job and a fairy tale wedding that's over in 72 days? Go bowling and spare me. There's so much more to finding happiness in this life than what's portrayed in the unenlightened bubble of society.
I, for one, am perfectly happy in my "average" state. Am I the prettiest girl around? To my husband, yes, but not by society's standards. Am I the most skilled derby player? Of course not. Am I the smartest? No way. But I do know what I am, and that's one of a kind. I'm beautiful inside and out, I care deeply for others, I'm an amazing mother, a loving wife, and I know that I'm capable of achieving anything I want to...without fear of failure. For me, the only way I could fail is if I didn't try at all. If all of the women I know would spend half as much time building themselves up instead of complaining about what's not good enough, they'd be reaching their true potential in no time. Which, by the way, has nothing to do with external looks. Ask any man around, while it's true they are visual creatures, the sexiest part of a woman is her confidence. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, confidence beats everything else.
In closing, here is one of my favorite quotes:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory...that is within us all. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
So for my first new blog entry, I'd like to talk about women. Aren't we great? So complex, so interesting, so emotional. I'm sure if any men are reading this they're thinking, "pfft, yeah, 'complex' is putting it lightly." It's taken me a long time to admit that it's true. We are complex, but not so much that we can't be understood. I think a lot of women don't even understand themselves, which makes it extremely difficult to adequately explain ourselves to men so they aren't left scratching their heads every time we open our mouths.
I once read a book called "The Female Brain" which, in great detail, explains the inner workings of our brains from conception to old age. It was very interesting and is not only helping me understand why I say and do certain things, but it also helped me understand where Olivia is in her brain development and why she drives me to the brink of insanity on most days. Yes, she's a baby and most babies will drive you nuts at some point. But she's also a female baby which translates into "There's a lot more going on upstairs than we realize". And boy (or girl), isn't that the truth.
I'm really saddened at how often I see women putting themselves down. What's up with this sickening epidemic? I think women by nature are driven by the pressures of their parents, teachers, peers and society to be the best, the smartest, the prettiest and the most talented. When in reality, we should be learning that there's no such thing. There will always be someone skinnier, prettier or smarter out there and life isn't about being the best. It's about reaching our own personal best...even if that means you're average. Who are we to say that we aren't good enough? Did People magazine tell you that you're inadequate unless you can afford designer clothes, a boob job and a fairy tale wedding that's over in 72 days? Go bowling and spare me. There's so much more to finding happiness in this life than what's portrayed in the unenlightened bubble of society.
I, for one, am perfectly happy in my "average" state. Am I the prettiest girl around? To my husband, yes, but not by society's standards. Am I the most skilled derby player? Of course not. Am I the smartest? No way. But I do know what I am, and that's one of a kind. I'm beautiful inside and out, I care deeply for others, I'm an amazing mother, a loving wife, and I know that I'm capable of achieving anything I want to...without fear of failure. For me, the only way I could fail is if I didn't try at all. If all of the women I know would spend half as much time building themselves up instead of complaining about what's not good enough, they'd be reaching their true potential in no time. Which, by the way, has nothing to do with external looks. Ask any man around, while it's true they are visual creatures, the sexiest part of a woman is her confidence. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, confidence beats everything else.
In closing, here is one of my favorite quotes:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory...that is within us all. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson
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