Happily Ever After

Someone asked me the other day, "What's the secret to your happy marriage?" To which I promptly replied, "Lots of wine and blow jobs". Just kidding...I prefer beer.


There really isn't a secret ingredient to a happy life with your partner. It's equal parts love, respect, compromise, patience and honesty. Throw in a dash of romance and you've got the recipe for happy love. At least for us, this puts the icing on the marriage cake. Why am I using cooking metaphors? I have no idea. I hate to cook.


While I do have the closest thing to a perfect mate any girl could find, there are still days when I want to punch him in the face (or other painful areas), divorce his ass and move to Fiji. I mean, if I'm being completely honest. But that's true about anyone. A spouse, your parents, your children, siblings, best friends...they all tempt us with thoughts of mass destruction; or in some cases, a homicide/suicide. However, the more sane lot of us realize that solves nothing, so alas, we're left with working things out. 


When I say "working things out", I don't mean ignoring the disagreement or altercation and waiting for it to just go away. I interpret the word "work" literally. I'm sure you've heard the ol' adage, "Anything worth having takes lots of hard work"? Well, put down that sugar coated spoon and take a huge dose of reality, because it's so true. I work every day at making my marriage a healthy one. With years of counseling, books read on the subject and over $2,000 worth of classes and workshops; I'm still so far from being the perfect spouse...but at least I'm trying. 


So, here are a few things that we do on a regular basis to keep our marriage a healthy and mutually happy one:


1. Spend quality time together. This may sound simple and obvious, but those of you who have children, jobs, hobbies and separate social lives, this can be very difficult to do sometimes. Turn off the smart phone, put the kids to bed, turn off the TV and just talk. Even if it's just for 15 minutes, the intimacy that's built is important. 


2. Keep a sense of humor. Life has a funny way of intruding on our vision of the perfect day, or date, or even intimate moments. When things don't go exactly as planned, don't overreact and turn into the Incredible Hulk over it. We try to see the funny side of crappy situations, laugh about it and move on.


3. Be forgiving. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not perfect. And neither is my husband. We're two very imperfect human beings trying to perfect our love for one another and sometimes we fail...a lot. I've learned to never sweat the small stuff and to remember that leaving the mayo on the counter every single time is not nearly as important as the emasculation he might feel if I rip him a new one over it. 


4. Romance. Guys, take note here. This is an important one. And I don't mean lavish gifts and fancy dinners (although I'd never turn it down!), it's the simple gestures that mean the most. Andrew and I leave notes for each other around the house quite often which always make me smile. Or hearing a sweet song in the grocery store and dancing with me on the cereal isle. I'm ready for number 5 just thinking about it!


5. SEX. Life gets in the way of this sometimes and it shouldn't. We all know that sex is like oxygen for men, but it's equally as important for women, just in a different way. Not only is it a MUST for a great marriage, it also has other perks like: relieves stress, burns calories and boosts your immune system! So go ahead, get you some. 


I could write an entire book on the things we work on to improve our relationship, but I think this is the foundation of our "happily ever after". The road to marital bliss is always under construction.